If you’re like most women, you struggle with some insecurities and self-doubt. On some level, you don’t think you’re good enough.
Maybe you pepper your language with “shoulds” and apologize for being you, or maybe you preface everything with a, “I know I need to be better…” or maybe you self-judge constantly, saying something and then immediately following it up with an “I know that’s bad!” You edit, you censor, you second-guess, you put on the show of someone who has it all together, when on the inside you feel like a fraud.
I have felt like that many times, and I have talked in-depth about this with the JillFit Ambassadors, and though they are all smart, hardworking women kicking ass, they experience it too (check Lori’s post below). Of course they do. We all do.
One thing to remember: you are human. You can only do what you can do. You can only do your best. And guess what? That woman over there who you think “has it all?” She’s struggling to fit it all in too. She’s struggling with not feeling good enough, too. She thinks she can do better, too. She’s berating herself for not being able to be Superwoman, too.
WE ALL ARE.
And the biggest myth on the planet is that we can or SHOULD have it all together with zero struggle.
In fact, perpetuating the idea that you should be 12% body fat, while also being able to spend hours at the gym, while also raising the perfect family and get every single chore done, and sleep 8 hours a night and pretend like clean eating is effortless and be fun, and outgoing, and smart, and beautiful, and successful and independent and basically perfect IS THE BIGGEST LIE ON EARTH.
And yet, we feel this way, don’t we?
We don’t feel good enough.
We stress about not being able to do and be everything we think we SHOULD do and be. Often we blame other people, a demanding boss, long hours, a terrible commute, kids whose filled calendars have us running all over the place, zero time for ourselves, a never-ending list of errands and chores, “the media” for perpetuating unrealistic body images, photoshop for existing, a friend who’s life isn’t as busy as ours, the shitty gym we go, the fact that we have a “slow metabolism” or even the fact that our husband eats crap while we’re forced to resort to ridiculous dieting measures.
We like to point external blame for why we don’t feel good enough. It’s natural.
This is a toughie, but I am going to drop some tough love on you right now :) …
The idea that you’re not good enough is COMING FROM YOU.
The idea that you suck is actually not a fact :) It’s rather your interpretation of life. It’s how you choose to see what’s going on. It’s the gap between where you are and where you think you SHOULD be (there’s that freaking word again!), and it’s you who’s perpetuating the idea that that gap means you suck.
The bottom line is that all any of us can do is our best. Last Sunday I ate an omelet with bacon, plus a side of bacon for breakfast and then a bottle of wine for dinner. I am not saying that’s healthy or anyone should follow my example–but I am saying that it was the best I could do that day.
Does that mean I am weak and undisciplined in general? No. Does it mean I’m off the bandwagon and I might as well throw in the towel? Nope. Does it mean that anyone who did not drink a bottle of wine for dinner is better than me? Of course not. All it means is that we are all doing our best. And the more mental energy we spend fighting OUR NATURAL WAY OF BEING, the more miserable we are and the less likely we are to be able to actually DO the things that will help us get better.
Honor who you are. Honor your process. And honor whatever shows up as “your best” today.
As for me? I got up Monday morning and killed legs with my training partner Tara. I went on two leisure walks with Jade and packed about a million boxes to move into my new home on Tuesday. BOOM. That’s a successful day in my opinion. No remorse. No guilt. No self-berating. Just moving on as quickly as possible.
GIVE YOURSELF THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
Self-perception is everything. It determines whether we feel motivated or discouraged. The way we see ourselves is completely subjective and the story we tell about who we are and what we are doing has the power to make or break our power.
One thing I love about the JillFit Ambassadors, besides that fact that they have been with me for years and make up my inner circle, is that all of them have reached this point mentally. They have all gained perspective and are pros at coaching other women to do the same.
JillFit Ambassador Lori Musselman is a wife, a mom and a full-time fitness pro. I love her story of being good enough and learning to find ways around “the hectic life.”
Enjoy this short guest post from Lori :)
It’s busy. It doesn’t really seem to matter what time of the year – or day of the week – it’s busy.
Even as a fitness professional, it’s easy for me to think of so many reasons to skip my workout.
Mornings are a mad rush – in 45 minutes flats, the boys seem to tear through the house getting ready for school. The house (kitchen) seems to get trashed. “I’ll just clean this up, then I’ll work out”.
The kitchen gets cleaned up and I think “I should really check my email, write a blog, write client programs, write bootcamp workouts, network with local businesses, check in with my online coaching clients, then I’ll workout.”
I get some work done and it’s lunch time. “I’ll eat and then I’ll work out.”
Lunch is over and before I know it, its 3:30 and the boys are getting home from school. And it’s time for home work, soccer practice and dinner prep. “I can still work out, later.”
And then BOOM, it’s time for bed. And honestly, I’m too tired to work out for an hour. “I guess I can work out tomorrow.”
It’s all too familiar these days. Women have a lot of responsibilities and are also some of the most giving people on the earth. We care so much for others that we often let our goals slide.
I get that.
Then there’s this little piece of us (at least for me) that starts feeling a bit guilty that we aren’t good enough to fit it all in. Then we (I) feel the guilt shifting to anger – why do I have to do so much? Why can’t I just make myself get to the gym to work out????
And really, why not be angry? Fitness pros all over Facebook are telling us we must not want it bad enough or we’d be on the stair climber at the gym for an hour a day – oh, and we need to lift weights too. Go hard or go home, right?! So instead, we just stay home.
I know this because I used to be that fitness professional. Then I realized that missing out on soccer games, coaching soccer games, building my business and being a wife and friend were more important than that. I realized that I needed to figure out a way to fit fitness into my ‘real life’.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Intensity Matters – As Jade Teta (fearless leader of Metabolic Effect) says, “More is not better; better is better.” I designed my workouts to fit my lifestyle – 20 minutes (no more than 30), 4-5 days a week. I workout as hard as I can during my workouts to maximize my time. I call it Cardio-Infused Weight Training.
- Fancy gadgets are fun but not necessary – I bought a set of DBs to workout with in my living room. This has saved me both time and money. Some mornings, depending what my workout is, I get the boys off to school and workout in my jammies. I know, might sound a bit weird but I save time by not driving anywhere and let’s face it – I save time in the laundry room by skipping the workout clothesJ.
- Sing – I can sing out loud and nobody cares what I sound like… well, sometimes the dog covers his ears or the boys close their doors but overall, I can just be me and not worry about anyone else.
After I figured this out for myself, I opened an all-women’s boot camp in Charlottesville. We meet in the wee hours of the morning and get a quick, intense workout in. It’s a huge success and the bootcampers are changing their body shape, losing inches and gaining confidence! (Man, I love my job!)
I got to thinking that I might be onto something.
The result from all that thinking is that I want to share my strategy with as many busy women as I can. I want to tell women everywhere that it’s OK to not workout out for hours. It’s OK not to be hardcore. I want to tell women that we can change our physique at home using our own bodies, a set of dumbbells and a good workout song.
Some tweetables for you: