Last week, we released a new episode of ‘The Best Life’ podcast all about what to do when the green-eyed monster appears, and we find ourselves getting triggered by someone else’s good fortune.
It’s natural and normal to feel jealousy at times.
I tend to think we’re most susceptible when we’re feeling out of our own power. When I used to compete in figure competitions, I remember feeling jealous and insecure and bad about myself when I was in my “off season” (read: my weight had rebounded) and other people at the gym were in a cutting phase.
Somehow them getting leaner made me feel like I was getting fatter? Lol. So ridiculous to think about things like that, but when you’re jealous, things feel scarce. It feel like success is finite, as if someone else has the thing we want, we’re that much further from attaining it ourselves.
Which is untrue.
There’s plenty to go around and just because someone else is crushing it doesn’t mean we aren’t, too.
Which is why I wanted to have this conversation. To share my own process when I feel triggered, in scarcity or like I’m sucking at life, ha.
1) First, ask, what metrics are MOST important to you.
Because not everything can be the most important thing. We have to be discerning about our insecurities, lolol. Which ones are you willing to pay attention to, and which ones just aren’t a thing for you?
For example, I can appreciate people who have children, and I can see that it brings them immense joy and a sense of purpose in life. But that’s not my personal metric for finding purpose. I find my purpose in building my business and impacting people all over the world get better, healthier, wealthier, happier.
Neither is better than the other. It’s just personal preference.
Imagine what anxiety I would feel if I was building my business and constantly feeling like I should also be having kids and getting a mortgage and saving for college, etc.
You have to pick and choose your battles.
However, with that being said, I’m therefore much more likely to feel triggered by someone who is crushing in their business, right?
2) So next, I ask, “Would I want the lifestyle that person has to live in order to have that thing?”
And you’ll be surprised to find out that often the answer is no.
From the moment I started my business, I made decisions based on lifestyle and not money. The way I see it, what’s the point in owning my own business if I am still chained to a desk for 8-10 hours a day? I’d rather the certainty of a more traditional job if that were the case.
So when I see entrepreneurs with large teams and having to manage people (which I suck at) and being responsible for payroll for dozens of people, I don’t want that. Even if it means sacrificing millions of dollars.
I want to be able to travel and not have meetings and set my own schedule and not be responsible for the livelihood of 10+ people.
So, when I see a peer generating multiple 7-figures in their business, but they work from sunup to sundown and have meetings constantly, I can consciously reject that option.
Sure, the outcome is nice, but the process and lifestyle they have to live to achieve it is not for me.This discernment process puts us in the driver’s seat. Instead of feeling at the mercy of the success happening all around us, we get to actively decide what to take personally.
Same thing with physique efforts.
I go to Golds Gym in Venice Beach, CA—the “Mecca of Bodybuilding.” There are people coming in and out of their constantly getting ready for competitions, photo shoots, lean, shredded, muscular, beautiful physiques. Physiques that most of us would covet.
But then I see the gallon water jugs they carry, the Tupperwares they’re eating out of, the hours of cardio they’re doing, the social invites they turn down.
And I realize I don’t want that lifestyle. Which is ironic, considering when I was living that lifestyle, those things were the exact ones I was proud of, ha!
3) Use someone else’s success as a show of what’s possible. And maybe even learn from them. Or hire them!
Once I get clear on where I want to derive my success, and the kind of lifestyle I’m willing to live in order to create it, I can get clearer on what an example of success looks like.
I can look around my space and ask, “Who has the life I want? Who’s about 5 years ahead of me in that thing?”
This was the exact question that led me to hire my first business coach. I considered reaching out to some “famous” fitness models for mentorship, but then realized the kind of success they had (magazine work, booth work, sponsorships, etc.) wasn’t what I wanted.
I wanted to be successful off my brain, not my body. I wanted financial success and a sense of meaning, not Likes and tear sheets.
So I looked around the industry and found someone whose achievements were ones I wanted. And then I literally reached out in a direct message on Facebook and asked if she took on coaching clients.
And I paid her a significant amount of money for her expertise and mentorship, and it paid off big time. Instead of feeling jealous because she had what I wanted, I used it as motivation for what was possible for me, too. I loved that an example existed of what I, too wanted to create. And instead of lurking and being emo about it lol, I reached out and got busy.
4) And finally, get busy doing your own shit.
Often we feel most susceptible to jealous and insecurity when we feel out of our own power. When we’re not focused or excited about whatwe’redoing.
So, if you’re constantly looking around feeling bad for all the ways you’re not measuring up, start taking action, boo.
Blinders on. Head down. Get hyper-focused on what you want to create. Remember you? You have a say, too. Take action, get busy, create, focus, build something.
Some tweetables for you: