Do you get “triggered” by people?
What triggers you about them? Is it their audacity? Is it that you think they’re a fraud? Is it that you think they don’t have the right to be doing something? Is it that you think they think they’re too cool for school?
WHY IS IT TRIGGERING YOU? Because really … who cares? It has nothing to do with you, does it?
They are just living their life and we find ourselves shit-talking, gossiping and trying to find insults to spew to make ourselves feel better. Besides, if we all agree that so-and-so is __________, then we can rest assured and justified in our assessment.
I find this topic super juicy. It assumes that if someone is plus 1, then that means we are minus 1. Not true. Life isn’t a zero-sum game, yet it can feel like that when we aren’t feeling our best.
I distinctly remember feeling as if someone I knew was getting leaner, losing weight and getting ready for a show, it somehow made me feel fatter, lazier and weaker. Ridiculous.
Maybe you have experienced that. Or maybe you make someone else’s wins (new baby, new relationship, getting married, job promotion, starting their own biz, making more money, whatever) mean that you are losing. Or that they must somehow be doing it wrong to be doing it well.
I’m fascinated with the psychology of comparison.
In fact, I was talking to a friend recently about a mutual friend of ours unfollowing me on Instagram. Not that it’s huge deal, I mean, I believe intellectually people can and should follow only people whose stuff they feel adds value to their life, but I am human just like everyone else, and it stung for a second.
I wondered why. I wondered if my recent posts had triggered her. I wondered if something I’d said offended her, unbeknownst to me. Again, I wondered why. She still followed plenty of people who weren’t as close to her as I was, what happened?
Was I triggering her? I asumme I was. And I wondered how.
So in an effort to understand, I tried to think about someone who triggered me. At this point in my life, I couldn’t really find anyone (except my friend in this instance, ha!). BUT, I did think back to when I was just getting started in the fitness space, and then just getting started in my business, and yes, plenty of people triggered me back then. I get it. I remember.
And I wanted to write about this, because I see a lot of people–including my friend or some of my Best of You gals occasionally getting triggered by others.
In my experience, it always came back to just that–a trigger–which can only be explained through uncovering insecurities.
If I was feeling secure in my body, then I probably wouldn’t notice if so-and-so was prepping for a show and getting leaner and leaner. If I was feeling confident in my abilities to grow my business, I probably wouldn’t even be looking outside at all, to even notice who is killing it. If I was excited about the progress I was making and reinforcing my own goals day-to-day, then I definitely wouldn’t have the time or energy to watch as others do their thing.
And even the irony of noticing that my friend wasn’t following me anymore, reminds me I still have work to do on my own message. If I am 100% confident and convicted, then why would I give a fuck?
Well, humans are insecure by nature, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t spend time introspecting and trying to figure out why we are feeling not-good-enough in some areas.
So, here’s a quick break-down of the some of my favorite ways to stay in your own line.
5 Fresh Thoughts on Comparison and How to Stop Allowing Other People to Make You Feel Less-Than
1)You feel out of your own power – creating and hating are mutually exclusive – the answer is to DO something, anything, action puts us back in our power
2)You’re not seeing the whole picture – social media, time dedicated, focus??
3)Reaffirm YOUR goals – remember those?
4)Evaluate journey versus destination – kids versus not, no social life versus not, gratitude for what you have BUT ALSO gratitude for what you don’t have every journey has its downsides – Mark Manson: “The most confident people are content with what they *don’t* have.”
5)Work on your self-confidence – find a way to like yourself and like what you are doing – you are so obsessed with your own stuff that you have zero time or desire to look around
BONUS: everyone is insecure! Remember: de-stigmatize perfection, it doesn’t exist
#ActionOverAnxiety – the fastest way to get back in your power is to DO something