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July 5, 2012

7 Ways to Start Creating the Life You Want

In Brendon Burchard’s newest book, “The Charge,” he talks about 3 types of people: The Caged; The Comfortable; The Charged.

The caged person is a slave to other people’s expectations and desires. Not only do they not create their life, they are constantly trying to live up to the demands of others, and imprisoned in a life of garnering affirmation.

The comfortable person is one of the majority–they make their own decisions and are fairly content. But there comes a time when they realize that they’ve been drifting their entire life, and at some point they begin to ask themselves, “Is this it? Is this all their is? How have I made a difference?” They realize they have not been completely actively engaged in their life’s decision-making and may find themselves unfulfilled in the long run.

The charged person is someone who literally creates their life in every minute of every day. They make conscious decisions about their current circumstances and are always looking toward the future with excitement and hopefulness. The difference is that the charged individual is AWARE. He or she is the master of their, and they use their attitude, their effort and their focus to develop their passions and follow their dreams, daily. They have the attitude of “Why not me?”

I started creating my life when I was 25.

Up until that point, I was a drifter. I just followed the natural flow of things, what was expected of me, did what everyone else was doing. It was fine, I was content. I was comfortable. No judgment, I was happy. Just not reaching my full potential. I didn’t know that there could be more. I didn’t understand being present, being aware or actively choosing my future. I thought life just happened.

Around 25, a whole host of things changed: I got out of a long-term relationship, met my current husband Jade, I competed in my first figure contest, completely transformed my physique, landing my first national cover, launched my first website and signed with a modeling agency. Many of my first ventures into creating my life revolved around my looks, ego projects, as I call them now. I was able to use my physique and parlay it into some very cool things.

But the “fun” of it did not last because it was all about me. I didn’t feel effective in the way that I wanted to be–I became discontent because I didn’t know how to take what I had created and make it more meaningful for myself, which ultimately, is all about creating something bigger than myself..for other people to be a part of. Over time and with lots of mentoring, coaching, reading and self-education, I have transformed my creation into something much more fulfilling on a personal level over the last couple years. Not something that simply helps my resume or modeling book, but something that can resonate with other people.

Enter JillFit today. We’ve come a long way, baby. And so have you! Thank you for being on this amazing journey with us!

Over the past 3 years, the idea of “creating my life” or as Brendon calls it, living a Charged Life, has taken on a new meaning–a much deeper one. Here are some of the insights I have collected and perhaps they can help you in your future creations too :)

1) Be open to possibilities.

When we operate from a place of fear, we automatically expect the worst. And when we do that, we usually get the worst. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. We get exactly what we expect to get–good or bad. Possibility thinking allows us to be open to new opportunities, experiences and ultimately successes. But, it starts with getting out of our comfort zone, taking a risk and opening ourselves up to the possibility that we might fail. But the rewards are much greater.

2) Kind is the new cool.

A bangin’ body is certainly something to be admired. But it’s the heart of the person with it that matters most. Kindness will take you way further than 6-pack abs ever could in terms of business, interpersonal relationships, trust and respect. A snob with a bangin’ physique is still a snob.

3) Be aware of worst-case scenario, but don’t expect it.

There’s a difference between understanding what could go wrong and simply assuming it’ll go wrong. It’s important to mentally put yourself in the worst-case scenario simply to see that you can, indeed, handle it. It’s never fun of course, but it’s doable. Once you understand that, it gives you permission to put yourself out there more. To take more risks. Byron Katie says, “You will never, ever be given more than you can handle” and I agree.

4) Never stop learning.

Honestly. Self-education is key in continuing to live the charged life and maintaining the slight edge. And no one reads anymore! All it takes is to begin. I wasn’t huge into nonfiction, but I started with one book and willed my way through it. And then another, and another. I practiced, and pretty soon I was addicted to learning. I couldn’t consume information fast enough. It’s the key to getting yourself to the next level. Here’s the JillFit Summer Reading List to get you started.

5) Take responsibility.

For everything–good and bad–that happens. When we don’t take responsibility, we are stuck with no actionable steps to take, because we are waiting on someone else to step up. Stop waiting on others or for circumstances to be just right, and do something now. Anything. Solutions are yours to be acted upon. It’s simply a matter of making up your mind to do so. One hint: if you find yourself complaining, in that moment, you are not taking responsibility. Quit the victim mindset and make a conscious choice to take action from wherever you are.

6) Choose confidence.

Yes, it’s a choice. And it takes practice to develop, but you need to start somewhere. Try something. Get better at it and build confidence. Ask, “Why not me?” and go for it. Yes, there is always risk in putting yourself out there. But the risk of not trying is greater. “When you have confidence you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things” –Joe Namath

7) “Stop doing shit you hate.”

Stole this from Jason Ferrugia’s Twitter feed, but it resonated so strongly with this former Irish Catholic that I had to add it here. Byron Katie says, “A dishonest yes is a no to yourself.” Meaning, when we do things that we don’t want to do, we are not creating our life–we are creating someone else’s idea of what our life should be. There’s no reason in today’s day that people can’t do exactly what they want, and create the future they want. Stuck in a 9-to-5 that you hate? For a few hundred dollars, you can begin a side business of your own, creating something about which you are passionate. Be honest with yourself about your boundaries. Are you always acting out of obligation, guilt or victimhood? Grab the situation by the balls and do something about it. It’s honestly just a choice. Don’t over think it!

Hopefully these insights can help you as they did me if you find yourself drifting and feeling as though you are not reaching your potential. The feeling of creating your own life is the most exciting thing in the world. Once you catch a glimpse, there’s no turning back. But you do need to start somewhere :) Good luck! ox Jill

Related: Is the story you tell yourself holding you back? 

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